Vampires Were Meant To Be Human
by Lost But Found
Summary: Kind of strange, sort of a oneshot. Noelle's cat has been turned into a vampire and strange things ensue. A oneshot that now has a second chapter. It's a twoshot. Unless I get an idea for a third chapter. In which case it would be a threeshot.
1. Chapter 1

**This is just some weird idea I had in math. My friends gave me this weird drink that had some energy supplement from India or something, so I was incredibly hyper and couldn't stop moving, so naturally, my brain was thinking of weird things also. I'm not sure how far this story will go, but it was too much of a strange idea to pass up, and the energy drink hadn't worn off yet.**

Disclaimer: I do not own the Lost Boys or their cave. Or Santa Carla, or the Fancy Feast commercials...

It's official–I was going crazy. My family thought that I was mental while I thought I was still perfectly insane. My brother believed me, but the rest of my family thought he was crazy too. All of this, all the trouble, was because of my cat and his 'problem.' My cat was a vampire.

I ran around my house screaming my head off. I had just found that my once lovable, fluffy cat had grown fangs(longer ones, I guess, seeing as most cats already have abnormally large teeth) and my cats eyes had turned form a bright green to yellow. Currently, my cat was attempting to eat my goldfish– which was hilarious to watch seeing as my cat hates water(he's more scared of it really, he just pretends that he's better than water, so therefore he hates it) and my goldfish was big surprise swimming in water!

I suddenly remembered the canned food I had bought. I snuck past my goldfish obsessed cat and went into my kitchen, grabbing the canned food and started to try and pry the top off. I could never get my finger under the thing that held it closed (like the thing on soda cans– they sort of look like and 8 to me, but I can't remember what they are called.) I had only ever gotten it open myself once before, and I was so proud of myself that I put the food into a wine glass(I guess it was more like a really short margarita glass..) and hit the side with a fork like in those 'Fancy Feast' commercials. I eventually gave up on trying to open the can the normal way after my index finger had gone numb and pulled open the nearest drawer and grabbed a wrench.(don't ask me why I had a wrench in a kitchen drawer) I hit the top of the can repeatedly, and I actually made a tiny hole in the top. But other than severely denting the top of the cat food, I did nothing to help me open the can. I glared at the cat food can and threw it into my sink, cursing whoever thought up those can tops. I looked in my fridge for a substitute for my goldfish, and I found gasp chicken!

"Here little vampiric kitty!" I called as I walked back to my living room, where my cat was still terrorizing my goldfish. "Look! I found something that used to be alive! Kind of the same thing." I said, dangling the chicken in front of my cats nose. The goldfish forgotten, my cat suddenly leapt at the chicken. I screamed and then dropped the chicken as my cat – literally – flew through the air.

I needed help. My little cat, my little fluff ball, was now a vampiric mutant after my goldfish. My brother usually had a plan for everything, and vampires were kind of in his special understanding, I dived on my cell phone that was lying on the couch and found my brothers phone number. My cat was currently satisfied with the chicken, chewing the meat with the bone between his front paws, just like a dog holds a chew toy.

"Hello?" I head my brother say on the other end.

"My cat is a vampire!" I screamed. My cat hissed. I apologized.

"You have a cat?" My brother, David, asked.

"Yes, and it's a vampire!" I was getting annoyed. David laughed. "What?" I asked.

"Your cats a vampire." He chuckled.

"I hadn't noticed." I said. Sarcasm was my favorite form of speech.

"What do you want me to do?" David asked, still laughing.

"You're the vampire of the family!" I said. My parents believed David had a 'disorder' and refused to recognize the truth. I had accepted it, besides, I had always had a thing for fangs, and I figured David wasn't the only one with a 'disorder' in Santa Carla.

"I believe that title now belongs to your cat, which I didn't know you had. I have a disorder, remember?" David said. He always had a habit of knowing what I was thinking.

"Come down here and help me! The chicken is only going to last for so long!" I cried, slightly aware that I sounded utterly helpless.

"No."

"Why not? It's dark outside!"

"Cause."

"Just get your ass down here."

"No." David repeated again.

"Fine." I said.

"Really?"

"I'm bringing the cat to you."

"No, you're not. Wait, did you just say you have your vampire cat chicken?" David sounded amused.

"It was the only thing I had!" I said.

"I always thought it tasted like rubber."

"It does. That's why I gave it to my cat."

"Your vampire cat." he corrected.

"Thanks for the reminder.

"Sure." David said. I smirked as I hung up on him.

"Kitty!" I called. His name was Louie, but I hardly ever called him that. I just used whatever came to my head. The chicken – and the bone – was gone, and my cat was once again sitting in front of the goldfish tank. The little cat crate/carrier was sitting on my washer, dusty in all its incredible bright pink glory. I picked it up, threw the can of cat food that was still in the sink into the back of the carrier, and walked out into the living room.

"Kitty, want to go play with David's mullet?" I asked. The cat always got a kick out of playing with the fringe on the back of my brothers neck, and I encouraged it because it was actually quite fun to annoy people by means of your cat.

"David!" I called, coming down into his cave thing (I didn't understand why he elected to live in a cave that had absolutely no air-conditioning, with three other guys and a little kid, besides, the cave kind of perpetually smelled bad, because as it was a cave, it had no shower) I allowed my voice to go up two octaves just to piss him off. My cat screeched from inside the carrier. "Sorry." I mumbled, setting the pink crate down on the couch and continuing to wander aimlessly around the cave. "David!" I yelled again, holding the tones longer and higher, which was all the more annoying.

"Do you know have any idea how much that hurts?" someone asked from behind me as I was preparing myself to scream again. It wasn't David, but I think I knew who it was.

"Yes." I said, turning around to face Paul.(totally called that) The blonde towered over me by about a foot, and he was definitely the most insane of all David's friends, although Marko came in close second, I had always liked Paul the best, no matter how insane he was.

"Why are you here?" He asked after a moment of silence.

"My cat is a vampire." I said simply. Paul looked confused and cocked his head to the side, as if trying to think of what vampire in their right mind would think of biting a cat.

"Noelle!" Marko screamed from one side of the cave. He ran towards me, stopping six inches from where I stood. "Hi." he whispered.

"Hi." I said. Marko wasn't usually this hyper. I looked at Paul, one eyebrow raised in question of Marko's behavior.

"Someone thought it would be funny to give him an energy drink." Paul said. 'Oh' I mouthed, laughing a little. "He's been like this for three days." Paul said, looking over at Marko, who was bouncing in place. I smiled as Marko grew bored and skipped off to another part of the cave, humming along the way. Once Marko was out of hearing range, Paul turned to me, smirking. "I spiked the energy drink."

Louie hissed from his crate. Marko was in front of the crate, poking his finger through the front, trying to touch Louie. "What's up with your cat, Noelle?" he asked after Louie had tried to bite him.

"He's a vampire." David said from behind me. I hadn't realized he was there. Marko's eyes grew wide as he looked at Louie. "Cool." he whispered, going back to sticking his finger in the crate.

"I just thought of something." I said. "Since my cat is a vampire, does he go after people, or cats?" The thought of someone being turned into a vampire by a cat was quite funny as it came into my head. I had the feeling that if Louie went for people, he'd go for all the little old ladies that lived alone with 15 cats, and then set all of the 15 cats free. And soon or world would be overrun by eep mutant cat vampire people(or just mutant vampire cats, depending on Louie's preferences) and wearing animal fur would be outlawed in our country because the president would be an animal rights activist(in order to stay on the cats good side) and all the rich people would become depressed until someone found something just as strange as animal fur to wear around their necks. Like towels.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey, I decided to update this. This chapter's a bit longer than the first, I think, I haven't really checked, so I'm not sure, but I think it is. If anyone has any ideas for a third chapter, I might be up to writing one. I just have to be in the right mood. So, enjoy what the right mood did for me this time.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Literally, I'm almost dirt poor, so how would I manage to own The Lost Boys? If I did happen to own them though, I'd be rich, and have no use writing this disclaimer. But I guess I own Louie, and Noelle. So don't steal them. Stealing is illegal. And bad for your health.**

**The Second Chapter of the Chapters Without Names**

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"I say we stake him, then take him to the Vet and tell them he fell on a fence." Marko said from the couch. He was bouncing slightly, fighting the urge to yell spastically and then proceed to run in small circles around inanimate objects. Don't ask me how I knew this, I just did. Accept it.

Dwayne made an odd noise, somewhere between a laugh and a grunt. All in all, a great show of emotion for the stoic vampire.

Paul was sitting on the top of the fountain that had long since gone out of service. Louie was happily perched on his lap. Paul was in no means paying attention to the conversation, but rather staring intently at Louie.

David was in his classic seat, the old wheelchair they had lifted when one of the boys had an interesting run in with a bad case of gonorrhea (I think we all know why a certain boy lacks an inexorbinate amount of emotion).

I was on the floor, fiddling with a piece of pater that I had found on the ground. I was trying to perfect the art of origami. Marko's comment brought my attention away from the paper and back into the present situation.

"That'd be great, except for one thing." I said. Did I mention how much I adore sarcasm?

"What's that?" David was thoroughly bored with the discussion that we had been having for the last two hours.

"Staking my cat would kill him. And saying he fell on a fence is highly unbelievable, cats are known for their sense of balance."

"Besides," David said, " Louie's way to fat to even get up on a fence."

"What?" Paul cried, oblivious to all the rest of us. "Really? You mean their completely..." After a long pause and a few more yelps of joy, Paul climbed down from the fountain, looking at me out the side of his eye, smirking just a little too much for comfort.

"What" I asked, all interest in previous conversation now switched onto Paul.

Paul just raised his hands in front of him and danced away.

"What is it?" I asked, yet again. Slowly getting to my feet, I was preparing to chase Paul and beat the answer out of him. Paul watched me get up, looking me up and down, smiling a little.

"Great. Now you're highly perverted as well as fanged." I said, realizing the endless possibilities in Paul's sudden interest in my body.

Marko tilted his head, no doubt wondering why I was just finding Paul's sex-oriented nature to be a problem.

David smirked and couldn't get the amused look off his face.

Dwayne was asleep, the bastard.

"Screw the cat, why is it such a big deal anyway?" David asked. He had never been the most patient one in the family and two hours on one topic was really starting to get to him.

"What, he's just going to live with you in the Bat Cave?" I asked, exasperated at their lack of a plan. You'd think vampires would be better problem solvers than they actually were.

"I don't see a problem with it." David replied flatly.

"He could share my room!" Marko screamed which was quite unnecessary seeing as he was two feet away from everyone.

"You don't have a room." David said, that energy drink was starting to piss him off. It should have worn off by now.

"No way, I get him! He's got to many good stories!" Paul chimed in, holding Louie to his chest, body turned slightly away from everyone else, as if to protect the feline.

"It's my cat, I will keep him thank you very much." I retaliated. He may be vampiric, but he was still my cat.

"It's not like your expertly equipped to care for a vampire." David said matter of factly.

"Ha!" Marko screamed. Everyone looked at him. Dwayne slowly opened his eyes, awake.

"Ow!" Paul yelled. Louie was trotting away, and Paul was already healing on all the long scratches he had received. Louie had settled down next to Dwayne, contentedly licking a bloody paw.

"Fucking cat." Paul muttered, walking stiffly to the fountain again.

David grinned, almost maliciously. He got up slowly, now almost smiling so much it was beginning to get a bit creepy. My brother isn't supposed to smile. I think it had something to do with the whole vampire thing.

"I'll be back." David said.

"Bring me back something." Paul said.

"Like what?"

"I dunno. Something."

David started to smile again.

"Use your head, be creative."

He smiled a little bit more. If you haven't ever seen David genuinely smile, and not many have, let me tell you, it starts to get to you after a while.

"Okay." David said, bypassing Marko, who was currently sitting on the floor trying to make a sand castle out of dust. It wasn't working so well, the dust didn't really stick together. It was kind of nasty, too.

"No hookers!" I called. I didn't want another situation like that on my hands...

"Strippers!" Marko screamed, jumping up excitedly. There was a soft _flump_ and Marko looked down at his ruined dust castle.

Dwayne snorted, rolling his eyes at Marko.

Marko glared.

Dwayne glared back.

Marko stuck out his tounge.

Dwayne stuck out his middle finger.

Paul gasped.

Marko and Dwayne glared at him.

Paul shrugged.

Dwayne and Marko go back to glaring at each other.

Marko is hit by a musty cushion.

Dwayne soon has the same fate.

Seems I have pretty good aim when I'm pissed.

"Well you little bastard." Dwayne is holding up his hand, simultaneously staring Louie down.

"What did he do?" I asked, getting up and walking over to the vampire.

"He bit me."

I looked at his hand. "Doesn't look like theirs any wound."

"Well no, there wouldn't be, would there?"

I was confused. I didn't know much about vampires except for the basic stuff. And now that I think about it, that's quite a bit.

"Healing powers." Paul walked over and showed his arm, where he should be very cut up. He wasn't.

"Oh." I said quietly.

The cave was quiet, and so were we. It was kind of peaceful.

"BOO!" Marko jumped from the top of the fountain, into the air, at us. He fell short, but it still had a pretty good effect on me.

"Funny." I said, looking at him though narrowed eyes.

"Dude, what are you on?" Paul asked.

"I'm high." Marko replied easily.

"On what?"

"LIFE!" He screamed. "Hahahahaha, I got you!" Marko proceeded to jump like an idiot and point at Paul.

"I wasn't aware they now called crack 'Life.' It's clever, but I don't think it's catchy enough." David was back. Damn, it was kind of nice without him.

Marko let out a blood curdling scream that sounded pretty close to a five year-olds and ran out of the cave, into one of the tunnels. That kid was fast when he needed to be. Louie seemed to follow suit, because he was no longer in the cave.

Paul was laughing, and Dwayne was actually smiling, big accomplishment for him, and David was looking pretty damn proud of himself. I figured out why Louie ran, but had no explanation for Marko.

David was holding Thorn, Max's personal hound of hell, hell hound, canine of anti-christ, pretty much anything you wanted to call him really.

"Marko had a bad experience with Thorn once." Paul had regained some of his composure. Then again, he didn't have much to begin with. He had always seemed a bit...well...I can't think of the word exactly, but he was something. Oh boy, was he ever.

"Sorry if I'm not realizing the obvious here, but what's he going to do?" I asked.

"Well, I thought it'd be fun to see your cat's reaction, and that's about it." David strolled into the cave, Thorn following on a very chewed up leather leash, which he was currently chewing.

I grimaced. My brother wasn't supposed to 'stroll' into a room, cave or not. It was kind of unnerving to see him, for lack of a better word, jovial.

"Great plan." Dwayne smirked from his chair. Now he was acting like David was supposed to be.

"Eh. Got me out of the cave."

David was starting to scare me.

"I'll go get Marko." Paul said, walking into the tunnels.

David shrugged and threw Thorn's leash onto the ground, nodding in the direction of the mouth of the cave. That was a pretty clear 'leave.'

Paul came back into the room, looking amused. Louie trotted in, tail up, head in the air. Even my cat was acting more like David than David was acting like David.

Marko looked around the side of the tunnel, only his eyes and forehead showing. He slowly inched the rest of the way out when he saw Thorn wasn't there. Must have been a pretty bad experience.

"I have an idea!" Paul sprang up from the couch, looking wildly excited.

"About?" Dwayne asked, previous conversation lost with the time. But how you forget a two-hour-one-topic discussion is beyond me.

"Continue, please." I said, almost pleadingly. I wanted to go home. I think I was starting to smell like Cave.

"Throw him into the sunlight. If he's half, he'll be fine. If he's full, he's gone and problem solved." Paul seemed really proud of himself.

"Hmm...that's a great plan." I commented sarcastically. "Except for the fact that it's night and it might kill my cat."

"Minor detail." Dwayne muttered. I glared at him, but stopped with I remembered how well he could glare.

"Do you have any other idea's?" David asked me.

"Well, no. But you don't either so you can't say anything."

"Then don't bitch about the one we've got! I say we go for it." David looked at the rest of them, waiting for them to vote.

"Yes." Dwayne said.

"Of course I say yes, it's my idea! And we're going to use it! ." Paul added, dancing in place.

"Si." Marko yelled, showing off his bilingual skills. So far they consisted of 'yes' in Spanish.

"And I say yes. Majority rules." David looked smug. Now I wished he still wasn't acting like himself.

"Good. That's just great! You do realize possibly killing a cat is considered as animal cruelty, don't you?" I was pissed. More pissed than when I discovered I had good aim when pissed.

"So is killing humans, but we keep on going, still not in jail I might add, and the public doesn't seem to deterred by the fact, do they?" Now I really wished David wasn't being David.

"Face it, the population cares about the animals. They always care about the animals." Seems I wasn't David's sister for nothing.

"Too bad for you then. They would only read about how the dead cat's story instead of yours." Yep, really wished David was being creepy again.

"Fine, but what if he's only half?"

"Then we're right back where we started." Paul spoke up.

"'S a great idea, guys." Marko slurred his words. He wasn't so hyper anymore. Can't say I wasn't silently thanking god for that.

"What's wrong with you?" Paul asked, looking at Marko uncertainly. Hell, the whole damn population looked at Marko weirdly. I think it was the whole mullet of curls thing. And the jacked. Definetly the jacket.

"Mmm, I think I'm drunk." Marko started to sway a little bit.

"Shit." Paul muttered, jumping forward to catch Marko as he fell to the floor like a bag of potato chips.

David was in a chair, oblivious to what was going on. I looked over at Dwayne, who was whistling softly and suddenly interested in his fingernails. I raised my eyebrows at him.

Dwayne looked at Marko like he had just realized he had fainted. "I wondered when the vodka would kick in." Dwayne smirked, and went back to his fingernails. Paul started to drag Marko into one of the tunnels, muttering about too much physical labor involved in being a vampire.

But think about it, you don't exactly become a dead blood-dependant being to have a great body. Although, it did seem to fit the image pretty well. Can you imagine what a really overweight vampire would look like? Or, have you ever seen one? I haven't, and I've seen a lot of strange stuff with my brother himself being a vampire, and living in Santa Carla in general, and don't forget my cat that was now a vampire as well. And on the subject of cat vampires, I don't think felines were meant for vampirism. The fang length clashes a bit too much.

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**Don't forget to review.**


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